ONE MILLION REASONS

There was this dull pain inside of me,  with the semblance of a heartbreak, but just like a thief in the night, you suddenly shocked my heart with a powerful charge. The dull pain was replaced with an uproar, it started as a tingling beat, turned into a humming  thump, until I recognized it to be my old brave heart - jumpstarted by your entry in my life.

I sat in the middle of the room, not expecting anything for the day, until I focused on you. You got this Robert Downey Jr. face  complemented with a well-toned physique. You dress smart, with your spectacles and slightly grown beard. And there you are, introducing yourself. At first, I found you arrogant. But I realized that you are just confident and carry that city boy charm so well. My eyes grazed further - your toned biceps evident from your polo shirt, your straight cut jeans fitting sexily in your legs. I wonder, what does it feel to stroke your skin underneath that shirt? I am not focusing on your lecture, my mind is wandering, until I realized I'm in the middle of my cycle.

We had our lunch together. I shared that I'm undergoing training for the difficult Halcon. You replied that you successfully conquested it before. From that moment, you had me. You love the mountains as much as I do. You also told me the story of you conquering 37 cities in Europe and the time you volunteered in Kosovo for U.N. Are you even for real?

We had another moment in the late afternoon. There were five of us in the group for a walking session. After a few minutes, it was just you and me, walking side by side, oblivious to the group. You related your life story, and in between chapters, I grasped that your defining values are resilience and gratefulness. You told me you never complain because how could you do that when there are others in less fortunate episodes of their lives. 

We entered the community. In between bottles of beer, barbecue and junk food, I learned more about you. I was fascinated the most when you charmed your way so that Ate Tindera will cook the instant noodles and eggs we bought. We talked about tragic love stories, ghosts, rebounds and the careless life you led in Europe. That night, our companions labelled us as a love team. 

We walked back to site. Again, it was the two of us side by side. The sky was dark but beautifully decorated with twinkling stars. I couldn't help not to think of Coldplay's Yellow. Suddenly, I'm back to college. This was how falling should feel. Careless and hopeless as defined by my college self.

The beers were not enough. Back at the staff house, we agreed to drink a bottle of Shiraz. You set it at 10:10 for the perfect numbers, I said Okay, 10:10, let's make it perfect then. 

With the vibrant and smooth taste of Shiraz balanced with the sweetness of raisins, we wasted the night away listening to your playlist. I loaded lyrics from my phone and we sang together, not minding if we were hitting the right notes. In between singing and knowing each other more, you beautifully deconstructed Lady Gaga's Million Reasons. You're at awe with a love so powerful, that given only one reason, will try to persist despite the million heartaches. 

After we finished the wine, we said our good nights. You looked at me intensely in the eyes as you told me I'm the prettiest. I remember you also liking my short hair and how it suits me. I looked back at you, pretending hard I'm not the least affected by your flattery. Good night! Back in my room, I smiled so wide. I should have kissed you that night.

The next day, you left site. You asked for my number and promised to keep in touch. You wanted to bring me to your hometown Pampanga and together, hike Mt. Arayat.

I am not expecting anything. I am okay even if you won't keep your promise. The memories from that night are more than enough for me. The feelings were raw, sincere and unexpected. For the past month, I thought I wouldn't be able to feel anymore with my battered heart, but because of you, there's no need for a million reasons for me to stay in the past.